Left 4 Dead 2 Funnies
by marubibi98
Summary: This is a series of one-shots containing two OC's who join the L4D2 group: Alexandra and Samantha. Some of the chapters will contain them and the group killing zombies and the others will contain...one-shot type things. So, please read and review ! Rated for later chapters. NOT A Nick/Ellis!
1. Chapter 1

**Hello, lovely readers of mine~! Recently, I have found myself addicted to Left 4 Dead 2. Although I don't have the game, I play it at my best friends whenever I go over(and if her little brother isn't there). And, I mushed the intro clip(you know, the one where it shows Coach reading that warning thing) and the very first part of the game you play(when they're trying to get out of the hotel). Now, this is going to be a series of one-shots featuring our OC's. But, don't worry, it's not gonna about just them. And, it's rate M because of future chappies... Wow, I just can't think of anything good to type in this AN right now...So, please enjoy~! :3D**

**Disclaimer: I do not own L4D2 or L4D. I only own Alex and Jessk13 owns Sam.  
**

* * *

You know that expression, "Best Friends Forever"? Or "through thick and thin"? Alex and Sam had been through everything together. From asshole boys to the zombie apocalypse, whatever you can think of, they've been through it.

When the apocalypse hit, to say Sam and Alex were surprised would be lying. They had been expecting something to happen for who knows how long.

Alex smashed the hotel's lamp into the head of one zombie, turning her face towards her best friend.

Sam grunted as the zombie on top of her slashed at her stomach. Gritting her teeth, Sam slammed the curtain rod into the zombie's head, effectively killing it and shoved it off her.

"Alex, you okay?" she asked as she wiped blood off her face.

Alex shrugged and said, "As okay as any person who just killed something that shouldn't exist."

"So…you're fine."

Alex stared at her for a second before her face broke out into a huge grin. "Yup!"

Sam smiled and looked around the hotel room before standing up and walking to Alex. "Come on, we have to get out of here."

"I agree, but…where are we gonna go?"

Sam's eyebrows furrowed and she turned her head away from Alex. "Let's not worry about that right now. Let's focus on getting out of here first, okay?"

Alex nodded and gave her best friend a weak smile. Sam returned the smile and ran to the door, Alex close behind. As they ran, Alex took it upon herself to run in front of Sam, easily seeing Sam's barely concealed limp.

Sam frowned and, as she pushed a zombie away from her, yelled, "Alex! What are you doing?! Stop putting yourself in danger just for my sake!"

"Take it easy, mi dolor en el culo; I'm doing this because I want to!" Alex shouted back happily.

"What the hell did you just say?! Just because you know Spanish, it doesn't give you the right to go using it! Especially since I don't know what the hell you're saying!" Sam shouted irritably.

Alex giggled as she picked something up off the floor and threw it to Sam. "I said, 'my pain in the ass'. Here!"

Raising an eyebrow, Sam caught the bat Alex threw at her. "What the fuck?! Why is there a random ass bat here?!"

Shrugging, Alex turned toward Sam with a shit eating grin on her face.

Sam paled slightly and screamed, "ALEX! SWITCH WITH ME! RIGHT NOW!"

Pouting, Alex hefted the ax onto her shoulder and casually replied, "Why~? I like this ax, I think I'll name her 'asesino' ~!" Seeing Sam's questioning look, Alex translated, "It means killer…"

"I don't trust you swinging that thing around!"

Alex raised an eyebrow and smirked. "Don't worry, I won't hurt you. On purpose…"

As her best friend turned away, Sam paused before shouting, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN "on purpose"?! ALEX!"

The response she got was a giggle and Sam sighed before racing after her. Sam saw Alex hacking away at the zombies', Alex looking almost natural as she swung the ax around her.

Sam remembered the reason Alex had decided to wear that outfit today. At that time, she thought it was silly and told Alex she was being paranoid.

_Alex frowned and turned towards the hotel window. "I wouldn't call it being paranoid, Sam. My gut is telling me shit is going to go down today, so I'm gonna be ready. And that means I'm gonna make sure you're going to be ready too. I've already lost a lot of people in my life; I'm not planning on losing more."_

_Sam sighed and rubbed her hand over her face. "I understand your reasons because I've lost my family too, but you…you're being a little too…uh, 'prepared'."_

_Alex turned her head and saw Sam pointing at her outfit. Alex looked down and saw nothing wrong with what she was wearing. _

_Her long, dark brown hair was pulled up into a low ponytail, travelling down her back. She wore a black tank top, black cargo pants with the ends shoved into her black combat boots and her black fingerless gloves._

_Sam sighed in defeat and decided not to change out of the outfit Alex had forced her to wear. Sam's light brown hair hung loose around her shoulders, barely touching her shoulder blades. She wore a gray t-shirt, black pants and ankle boots._

_Alex smiled cheekily and exclaimed, "Now, when shit goes down, we're gonna be able to move freely! You're gonna be thanking me later, when we have to run from something!"_

Sam chuckled and leaned against the stairs railing, trying to catch her breath. "You know…I sure am happy… that you… made me wear these…clothes, Alex…"

"That's…good." Alex wheezed out while clutching her ribs. "Damn, I sure am glad… that we lost a lot of weight… when we did! We'd… be done for!"

Sam grunted in agreement and stiffened when she heard noise above her.

Slowly turning her head toward her dark-haired friend, Sam whispered, "Did you hear that…?"

Alex nodded and slowly walked forward. "Stay behind me, you're injured."

As Sam opened her mouth to protest, Alex turned her head towards her and, in her coldest voice, said, "You'll only get in the way if you're in front of me. So, stay behind me, you hear?"

Sam glared at Alex and made to retort, but her friend had already made it to the door. Putting her ear to the door, Alex listened intently. She heard the whirring of a helicopter but it drowned out any other noise. Moving to put her hand on the door handle, Alex jumped back when someone else opened it.

Going by her instincts, she tackled the person and made to punch them when slightly calloused hands caught her wrist. Alex narrowed her eyes and did the next best thing: she head-butted him.

Sam raced through the open door, her bat ready to swing, but it clattered to the floor when she saw what her idiotic best friend had just done.

Alex head-butted the man she was on top of, earning groans of pain from both of them.

"Alex, what're you doing?! That person is human! HUMAN!" Sam yelled in disbelief, waving her arms around comically.

Alex turned her head towards Sam and, cradling her forehead, asked in complete surprise, "Really?!"

When Alex heard a groan from under her, she snapped her head down and saw a man with a blue trucker hat beneath her.

Scrambling off of him, Alex exclaimed, "Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry, I thought you were a zombie and-"

"You thought Overalls over there was a zombie, so you tackled him? That makes _perfect_ sense…if you're an idiot! If he was a zombie, you would've been dead by now!" a voice said from behind her.

Sam and Alex turned their heads to see a man in a, slightly dirty, white suit. He was sneering at them and Sam blew up.

"EXCUSE ME?! DID YOU JUST CALL ALEX AN _IDIOT_?! SURE, SHE'S DONE A LOT OF STUPID THINGS, BUT SHE'S NOT AN IDIOT! AND AT LEAST SHE'S NOT DIRTY! IN FACT…"

Alex sighed as Sam and the man in the suit screamed at each other. Looking back at the man she had hurt, a wave of guilt crashed into her.

Standing up, Alex offered a hand to the stranger who was rubbing his forehead.

When he looked up in question, Alex smiled and said, "Here, let me help you up. It's the least I can do for hitting the shit out of you."

The man blinked before returning her smile and grasped her hand while replying, "Thanks, darlin'."

Alex's face heated up as he pulled himself up and she stuttered out, "W-w-w-what did you just say?"

The man blinked down at her and asked, "What do ya' mean?"

Alex's face heated up even more as she heard his cute accent. She clutched her chest and turned around as her face went completely red.

'_Dammit! My _hopeless romantic_ side is kicking in! Why did he have to call me "darlin'"?'_

As Alex had her inner debate, Sam was pissed. _Extremely_ pissed. Not only had he insulted her best friend, he was being a sexist bastard.

"Why are a bunch of _little girls _carrying around those manly weapons?"

Sam gritted her teeth but then smirked. "Oh? Manly, you say? So, would that make you girly because you were bitching about how dirty your suit was?"

The man scowled as he remembered what he had said earlier.

As he opened his mouth, the woman interjected, "Look, can you guys flirt another time? We're just asking for those…_things_ to find us."

They both scowled and simultaneously exclaimed, "WE WEREN'T FLIRTING!"

Alex slowly walked over to Sam and grabbed her arm. Sam turned towards her best friend and instantly smirked.

Alex's face was a bright red, her lower lip was trembling and her eyes were moist.

Naturally, any other best friend would think she was upset. Alex, however, cried whenever she was embarrassed.

Sam patted her friends cheek and purred, "Alex, what's wrong~? Your face is bright red."

Alex scowled at her friends teasing tone and blushed even more. "Cállate. Deje de molestarme! Es porque estoy cansado, ¿de acuerdo?!*"

Sam smirked. A sure sign Alex was embarrassed/mad was when she started speaking Spanish.

Sam turned toward a table that was behind her and her smirk widened. Resting on the table were various weapons and ammo. Sam's hand shot out and grabbed Alex's wrist and she dragged her over to the table. Alex beamed when she saw the weapons and immediately grabbed the pistol.

"Oh, it's so shiny! You must have been well cared for, huh, mi amor**~!" Alex cooed.

They all sweat-dropped at her antics but ignored her. The man in the trucker hat grinned and casually started talking to her about guns. The longer they talked, the redder Alex's face got.

Sam giggled as she picked up the discarded ax lying on the floor. They had frequented a shooting range for three years, preparing themselves for the worst.

Sam frowned as she wiped the blood off the ax. _'Now that I think about it, we might have jinxed ourselves…'_

They all walked back down the stairs, Alex making sure to keep distance from the man in the hat.

Sam smirked and whispered, "This is exactly like that time in ninth grade, when you had a crush on that guy and would always giggle uncontrollably after we passed by him."

Alex's blush deepened and she whispered harshly, "Shut up! T-that has nothing to do with this!"

"Sure~!" Sam purred, her eyes darting from the man in the hat to Alex.

Alex sulked all the way through the hotel, only showing emotion when she shot zombies.

As they ran toward the elevator, a tongue shot out and wrapped around the man Alex had tackled.

Alex stopped and tried to pull the tongue off but lacked the strength to do so. Another tongue shot out and wrapped itself around her, hiking up her breasts.

They struggled and managed to get close enough to the elevator for the man in the purple and yellow shirt to cut the tongues off with a chainsaw.

They collapsed onto the elevator floor as the door closed behind them, both breathing heavily.

The woman offered the man beside Alex a hand, smirking as she said, "Hey, "kill all sons-a-bitches", right?"

The man grinned and nodded, accepting the gun she gave him.

Sam offered Alex her hand and Alex accepted it gratefully. As Alex stood up, she remembered when she told Sam she would get in the way.

Feeling guilty, Alex started, "Listen, about what I said earlier, about you getting in the way. I-"

Sam grabbed Alex in a headlock, surprising everyone including Alex, and gave her a noogie. "Don't worry about it. I know why you said it."

Alex struggled and finally managed to escape. "H-hey! You jerk, that hurt!"

"That was the point! By the way, who are you guys?" Sam finally asked.

They all blinked and the man with the chainsaw spoke first. "My friends call me Coach. I guess y'all can do the same."

The man with the hat said enthusiastically, "Folks call me Ellis. I run an auto shop with a couple of my buddies. We're also in a band. I play bass."

Alex gasped and exclaimed, "Really?! Oh, you lucky son of a bitch! I've always wanted to play bass! Oh, I'm Alex, by the way!"

Sam sighed and placed a hand on Alex's shoulder. "Sorry about her, she gets excited _very _easily. I'm Sam, her best friend."

"That's nice to know. Name's Nick, but don't bother learning it 'cause I ain't sticking around much longer." The man named Nick said, his head turned away from all of them.

Sam glared at him but didn't say anything because the other moan was speaking. "My name's Rochelle. I produce a news show."

Nick snorted and asked, "Anyone get bit? That's how this works, right?"

"I don't think so…" Coach responded, looking over at Nick.

Sam stared at Nick and then looked at Coach. "Hey, um, do you think me and Alex can, uh, stay with you guys?"

Before Coach could open his mouth, Ellis responded, "'Course! The more the merrier, right? It'll be fun, killin' zombies with ya'll."

Alex nodded happily and said, "I've always loved playing zombie video games! Oh, and Grand Theft Auto! And, I guess you can say fighting games…"

As Ellis and Alex enthusiastically talked about video games, Sam made her way over to Nick. He raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything.

"Look, I don't really like you, but I don't want you to die, and that's what'll happen if you go off by yourself. Stop trying to act tough and manly, none of us would make it by ourselves." Sam stated as she leaned against the elevator wall with her arms crossed and her eyes closed.

Nick snorted and replied, "Yeah, who says I'd die? I'd probably be better off by myself then with all of you."

Sam sighed and said, "Haven't you seen zombie movies? It's idiots like you that always die first. So, if you even _try_to leave, I'll beat the shit out of you and drag you back."

Nick scowled and opened his mouth but Alex beat him to it, "There's no point in arguing, dude. Once Sam's made up her mind, she won't change it. Even if it's not her decision to make. If she says she won't let you leave, she won't let you leave. But, it's a good thing! It means she likes you!"

"Oh, so Sammy _**likes**_ me? Sorry, but I don't go for little kids." Nick smirked and looked down at Sam, who had an aura of killing intent.

Sam blushed and yelled, "Who would like a jerk like you, old man?!"

"'Old'?! Who you callin' old?!"

Alex sighed as they bickered with each other and thought, _'If zombies don't kill us, it'll be them who kill us when we try and break up their fight…'_

Alex walked over to Nick and Sam and placed a hand on each of their shoulders.

When they turned their glares on her, Alex just closed her eyes and smiled. "Come on, guys. We're all friends now, so cut it out. We're entrusting our lives to one another, therefore we have to trust each other! Can't you guys just put aside you're differences and play nice?"

When Nick and Sam opened their mouths to object, Alex opened her eyes and gave them the most terrifying glare ever. "You guys _can_ do that, **right**?"

Nick swallowed and nodded along with Sam. Neither of them had been so scared in their life. The zombie apocalypse didn't hold a cent to Alex's glare.

* * *

**Translations:**

*Shut up. Stop bothering me! It's because I'm tired, okay?!

**my love

**I hope you liked it~! Please review~! **


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm sorry it's been so long! Please, forgive me!**

* * *

Alex cursed as the Hunter shrieked and barely missed flying at her by mere inches.

"God dammit! These things are crazy!"

"I don't know, I think they're pretty cool…" Sam said as she stared at the Hunter, who in turn shrieked and flew at Alex.

Alex fell back as the Hunter pounced on her and shrieked, "Get this thing _off of me_! It's tearing me to shit!"

Ellis shot the Hunter with his shotgun and, when that barely phased it, shoved it off of Alex and blasted the Hunter in the head.

Alex winced as she sat up, trickles of blood streaming from cuts on her chest.

Sam ran up to Alex and held her at arm's length, looking over Alex's body to make sure she didn't have any other injuries. "Alex! Oh my God, are you okay?! You're not dying or anything right?!"

Alex stared at Sam and calmly shrugged off her hands. "Sam, if I felt like I was dying I wouldn't be standing up right now, would I?"

Coach walked up then and glanced at the blood coating Alex's chest. "I think it's best if we find a safe house now. We gotta patch up them wounds. Ellis, let her lean on ya'."

Ellis nodded and strapped his shotgun to his back. "All right, Alex, come 'ere."

"Uh, I-I'm ok! I can walk by myself- Son of a bitch, Sam, why did you just poke my injuries?!" Alex shrieked as she glared at Sam who had just poked the scratches on Alex's chest.

Sam shrugged and replied, "You're not ok, Alex. Look, your chest is heaving which means you're having trouble breathing."

Ellis looked at Alex worriedly and rushed to her side, slinging her left arm over his shoulders. "Don't push yourself now, ya' hear?"

Alex blushed and nodded, looking away from Ellis' face. "Yeah…"

The Survivors all trudged their way to a Safe House, where Coach instructed for Ellis to lay Alex down on a dirty couch. "Don't move. I'mma get some gauze ta' wrap ya' up."

Alex nodded then winced when the action made the cuts burn. Sam chewed her lip worriedly and nearly jumped when a hand was placed on her shoulder.

Turning her head, Sam blinked when she saw it was Nick. Nick, who was looking rather awkwardly, said, "Don't worry, she'll be fine."

Sam continued to stare at him until his words hit her. "Oh, uh, yeah. You're, um, right."

Nick nodded, removed his hand, and walked to a different room. Sam stared at his back, barely comprehending what had just happened when a pained yelp reached her ears. She ran to the couch and saw Coach wrapping the gauze around Alex's chest, Ellis holding down her flailing arms and Rochelle assisting Coach with the supplies.

"_Hijo de puta! Maldita sea, tu madre-OW! COACH, hijo de puta*_!" Alex howled as Coach tied the gauze around her chest.

"Young 'un, you best calm yourself, all right?" Coach said as he stood with a grunt.

Alex just glared at Coach and then muttered, "Thanks. Ellis, you can let go of me now."

Ellis blushed and dropped her arms like they were on fire, before asking, "How ya' feelin', darlin'?"

Alex blushed and turned her head, barely making an audible, "Like shit," before passing out.

Sam sighed in relief and slid down to the side of the couch. "Thank God."

Coach put a hand on her shoulder and said, "You should get some rest, Sam. It's been a long fuckin' day."

Sam gave a choked laugh and nodded. "Yeah, it sure as hell was."

**~?~~~~~?~~?~?~?~**

Alex awoke with a start, her hand flying to her chest as her eyes darted around the room. Realizing where she was, she fell back onto the couch and rolled over.

'_Man, how long have I been out…?'_ Looking out the bars of the Safe House door, she saw it was fairly dark out.

Her eyes had just slid shut when she heard a scratching sound coming from outside. Alex's eyes shot open as she strained to hear it. When no sound came again, Alex closed her eyes again only to have a heart attack when she heard it again.

Alex slowly sat up and reached down, her hand finding a pistol. Cautiously, she made her way over to the door. Looking out of the bars, she could only make out a crouched shape.

Alex recoiled and whispered, "What was that…? Wait, **I'm talking to myself**…!"

Alex turned to go back to the couch when she heard a low whine.

Hesitating, Alex sighed as she muttered, "I'm gonna regret this…."

Opening the door as slowly and quietly as possible, Alex slid out and turned on the flashlight attached to the pistol. Alex had to bite her lip to keep from screaming.

Looking up at her from beneath a hood, the Hunter tilted its head to the side, almost as if it was asking her if she was okay.

"Okay, okay, calm down Alex. It's just a Hunter, nothing to- Okay, I'm so screwed." Alex mumbled to herself as the Hunter slowly crawled over to her.

Alex closed her eyes, expecting to feel the pain of her flesh being ripped away, when she felt a nudge on her leg. Opening her eye a crack, Alex saw the Hunter nudging her leg with its head.

"You…you remind me of a dog…" she whispered as she stared down at it.

It glanced up and its tongue lolled out from underneath the hood. It gave a strange sounding bark, and then leaped at her. Alex fell back as the Hunter's weight knocked her back, her eyes squeezing shut.

Alex blinked when she felt something cold hit her cheek. Her eyes zoomed in on the Hunter, who happily stared back at her. Slowly, Alex lifted her hand and patted its hood clad head.

It leaned into her hand and gave a content bark. Alex sat up and stared down at the Hunter.

"You know, you're weird. But, then again, so is everyone inside that room. I think I'll keep you. But, you're gonna need a name…how about Steve?"

The Hunter growled.

"Marvin?"

Another growl.

"Marco…?"

An agitated bark.

"Zeus…? "

The Hunter stared at Alex for a moment before licking her hand.

"Ok, Zeus it is! Now, how are we going to explain you to the others…?"

**~?~?~?~?~?~?~?~~~**

"Why is there a fucking **Hunter** in the Safe House?!" Coach exclaimed as he walked in to see Alex calmly petting Zeus.

"His name isn't "Hunter", Coach! It's Zeus!" Sam exclaimed as she popped up from beside Alex.

Nick's draw dropped before he shouted, "Don't' treat that…that _thing_ as a pet!"

Ellis gasped and scrambled over to Zeus, throwing his arms around him and exclaimed, "Nick, how can you say that? Zeus is an innocent little guy!"

As if to prove his point right, Zeus barked and licked Ellis' face.

"See?!" all three exclaimed.

"It's a Hunter, they try to _kill_ us!" Rochelle screamed as she pointed an AK-47 at Zeus.

Sam narrowed her eyes at Rochelle and grabbed her machine gun. "So help me, Rochelle, you shoot Zeus and I'll end you."

"And I'll double that, _bastardos_." Alex added, grabbing Zeus and pulling him behind her.

Ellis looked between his friends and stood beside Alex. "I'm with 'em. Zeus ain't done nothin' to be killed."

Nick stared at Sam, who stared back, silently praying that they wouldn't try anything.

Nick sighed and lowered his Magnum, saying, "Damn, I'm going soft."

Coach hesitated before heaving a sigh and said to Alex, "He's your responsibility."

Alex brightened and said, "Ok!"

Rochelle gaped at Coach and yelled, "We're just gonna let that thing live?!"

Alex stalked up to Rochelle and growled, "You call Zeus a thing again, and _you're _going to be the one dead."

Rochelle glared at Alex but left the room nonetheless. Alex turned to Zeus and opened her arms. With a bark, Zeus launched himself at Alex, causing everyone but Sam to reach for a gun. They all gaped at Zeus and Alex as she giggled while Zeus licked her face.

Sam smirked at Nick and said, "At least we're being friendly with the Infected."

Nick grunted and replied, "Yeah, let's just hope this act of kindness doesn't backfire on us."

* * *

*Son of a bitch! Damn, you mother-OW! COACH, motherfucker!


End file.
